Becoming a parent is one of the most life-changing experiences, but no one really prepares you for just how much of yourself you might lose along the way. Before kids, you had hobbies, personal goals, and maybe even a strong sense of who you were. Then suddenly, your life revolves around feeding schedules, school drop-offs, and making sure everyone else’s needs are met before your own. And somewhere in all of that, it’s easy to forget who you are outside of being “Mom” or “Dad.” As the kids get older and hit their teen years, the focus shifts again—now it’s driving them to activities, coordinating social plans, and shuttling them to the gym or their friends’ houses. Your time is still wrapped up in their world, leaving little room for yourself.
Signs You May Have Lost Your Sense of Self
If you’re wondering whether this has happened to you, here are a few signs:
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You struggle to remember what you enjoyed before having kids.
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Your conversations mostly revolve around your children.
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You feel guilty when you do something just for yourself.
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You don’t recognize yourself in old photos or memories.
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You feel a sense of emptiness or restlessness but can’t pinpoint why.
Does any of this sound familiar? It’s not just you—many parents experience this shift, and the good news is, you can reclaim your sense of self without sacrificing being a great parent.
Why It Matters
Losing your identity isn’t just frustrating, it can lead to burnout, resentment, or even a sense of disconnect in your relationships. And here’s the thing: our kids learn from us. If they see us prioritizing our own happiness and personal growth, they’ll learn to do the same for themselves.
So, how do you start finding yourself again? Here are some ways to reconnect with YOU:
Steps to Reclaim Your Identity
1. Revisit Your Interests
Think back to what you loved doing before kids. Was it reading? Running? Crafting? Trying new restaurants? For me, I’ve recently rediscovered my love of reading and have been enjoying some light, feel-good fantasy novels—pure fun and the perfect way to unwind.
Make a list and choose one thing to reintroduce into your life, even in small ways.
2. Make Time for Yourself—Without Guilt
This is a tough one, but it’s essential. Start small—a 20-minute walk alone, a solo coffee run, or even just locking yourself in the bathroom for a nice, relaxing bath. You deserve time that’s just for you.
3. Reconnect with Friends (Beyond Playdates)
It’s easy to fall into the routine of only socializing through your kids, but what about your friendships outside of parenting? Reach out, set a coffee date, or have a phone call with someone who knew you before parenthood took over.
4. Set Goals That Have Nothing to Do with Parenting
What’s something you’ve always wanted to do? Maybe it’s learning a new skill, starting a side project, or even just getting back into regular exercise. Choose something just for YOU.
5. Ask for Help
You don’t have to do it all alone. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or hired support, allowing yourself to step away from parenting responsibilities occasionally is healthy, not selfish.
6. Shift Your Mindset
Your identity hasn’t disappeared—it’s just evolved. Instead of thinking of yourself as “lost,” think of this as a chance to rediscover who you are in this new phase of life.
Finding Balance
Regaining your identity doesn’t mean you love your children any less, it means you’re showing up for them as the best, happiest version of yourself. And that benefits everyone.
I know I’m currently in my own search to find something for myself that I truly enjoy, and it’s not always easy. But I also know that making space for myself is just as important as everything else I do.
So, what’s one small step you can take today to reconnect with YOU?
